stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
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Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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