Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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