I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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