it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
