idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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