Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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