Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
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I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
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On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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