He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
