we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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