Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
