if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
