the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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