bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
