Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
they're like a gay fantastic four
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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