I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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