but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
