How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
