Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
