it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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