I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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