Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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