There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Two words: nipple clamps
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