I met the friendliest cop last night
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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