ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
