I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
