so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
