Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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