Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
