You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
