ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
