Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
