i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
