you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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