i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
