He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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