oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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