The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
