I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
