I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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