Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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