I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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