It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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