My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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