I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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