You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
