i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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