We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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