Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
