Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
