Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
