if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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