BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
