You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize