Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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