My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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