No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
