Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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