So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
