i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
