mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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