My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
