you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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