Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You need Xanax blowdarts
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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