Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
