just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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