I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
