Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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