Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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