Will you blow on my dice?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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