Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
