i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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